Santa was here.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Episode 73: I lost a page, a part of my story.

2

2 days ago, I woke up from an afternoon nap.
I wasn't sure if I had a dream earlier, but I started thinking about a person.
A person I want to forget.
So I closed my eyes and tried to forget about it. I took a long time and I fell asleep.
I was that tired, because 2 days ago before this 2 days, I had 24km route march and it was no joke.
Actually, it is quite a joke, I feel it was easy for me so may be I'll share my tips in this post or maybe the next.
Nonetheless, my body still feel tired from the sleep deprivation.
But I have to woke up awhile after that because I actually had a lot of things to do;

- Feel up a personal particulars form for my interview the next day
- Prepare myself mentally for the interview
- Keeping in touch with the many people who text me (It's tiring but sincerely thanks for showing that you care)

To simply put, I was tired and busy.
Something I would not want to become when I grow old.
Since when did I start using the term 'grow old', I used to say 'grow up'.. 老了老了..
Anyway, being old doesn't scares me, death doesn't scares me too.
What scares me is to live without a dream, and I now have two. (I mentioned one before)
Anyway, let's not digress from the topic of being tired and busy.
Who am I kidding, I prolly have to be tired and busy when I grow old, Singapore is the busiest country in the world.
And that doesn't meant the trees in the city are extra hard-working and produce more than the average 120kg of oxygen to the atmosphere each year.
It means that Singaporeans are heavily overloaded with work, and unfortunately I'll become one of them.

Okay, for the third paragraph I want to direct back to the first point.
About the FP (forsaken person) who pops up into my head.
I actually manage to forget about FP when I woke up again, but I really tried hard to remember the FP again, so that I can write about it.
I know what you're thinking, I'm stupid or what right? (Yes, I think that too, and I regret)
I actually thought this would be a good way to give my brain a warning; (No, It's not)
Cautioning it to not try funny stuff and make things I want to pop away to pop up in my head. (Won't work, you know why?)
Sidetrack, after mentioning so many pop, I really want to shout it out loud.. POP LO! ='D
Back on track; because I'm the master of my mind, not the other way round.
However, because the master is dumb, that's why the mind is taking advantage of it, and I'll tell you my mind is really something else.
Anyway maybe my admonishing gesture really might to a good job to my brain. Let's hope all goes well, positive thinking is the way to go.
To end this story which doesn't have any morals to it, at least I let it have a song, a song which I think fits well.
It's a song by my favourite Chinese artist, Jay Chou, the song name is '軌跡' which means locus in english which also translate to place.
I did some reading up on the term locus on Wikipedia (one of my favourite sites) and I got onto this psychology term called locus of control.
It's really interesting, you should read it up too, or just consult me if you want to know more.
Stop rambling and here goes the song, Locus.

Another day worth mentioning was yesterday.

Yesterday, all my troubles seems so far away.
Actually the opposite, yesterday was very troubling, today is much better, I'll tell you why! =')
Yesterday I woke up early..
Actually I woke up early everyday feeling tired..
Then I feel stupid because I woke up early even though I'm tired.
Okay, you only have to know that I woke up.
I prepared myself mentally and spiritually (prayed) for the interview and went to play some games before I left the house.
Okay I have to leave the house now too! Be back! =')

*Left house*

I'm back and I totally don't remember what I wanted to blog.
I know this is irritating and disturbing.. that when you are on track and anticipating something..
Everything just when wrong and you don't know where you are.
Remember this feeling, remember where I just brought you to.
This is where I am, welcome to my life..
Random stuff aside, I seriously don't remember what I was blogging about because it's been around a month since I revisited this post.
But when I jumped right in, the words just keep coming up like I am some professional typist.
I could remember it's around 1 month, because the subheading for the post.. the '2' and '1' are supposed to be like countdowns before I say '0' and 'HAPPY NEW YEAR'.
Well, it seems a little too late right?
...
NOT! The year just started, 1 month may have passed but there's still 11 months.
It's still something worth celebrating about, and I pray (A verb I don't use often huhs?) that this year will be a good boy.
Just like my little nephew who is getting a little bigger. Oxymoron~ =_=,
Wait a second.. Let me read what I typed 1 month ago nonetheless..
Alright, according to 'The past ME' at the end of this section I'm supposed to share this song, 'Yesterday' by 'The beatles'.
Slap yourself if you don't know this band.. I'm serious.. slap yourself and Google it after that.

0

Happy New Year! I sincerely hope it would be a great one for your!
As for myself, I hope for the best, but even if it didn't end up as how I planned it, I got a feeling this year is special.
In fact, I got this feeling all the way since the end of the last year.
Ever since I entered army, I could feel myself changing.
I meant, yes people change over time, but we usually don't feel it.
Most of the time we just get on with life, and years later, you stumble upon some old photographs or other monuments and..
...
WHUaahlaaa! It hits you hard. You can't believe how much you've changed.
But for my case, I can feel it.. Okay I know I said that like three times (Including the one I am going to say later on), but it's only because the feeling is quite hard to explain, so I hope I can get my point across by repetitively emphasising it.
...
NO? Very well, just know that I feel my change and my life is changing too.
Remember when I mentioned about the interview in the first section?
I got through that and I signed a professional contract that bonds me to Air Force for 4 years after my studies.
So suddenly there is a career in my life, something I've never considered for the past 19 years.
As big as it sounds, as I carried on with life with this new.. thing (I haven't decided what to call it).. life is still quite empty.
It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm very easily satisfied, let me give you some example.
During BMT, when I was in Tekong, sometimes training is really shaq.
But when I return to coy line and saw a cat attempt to climb a tree, it's really cute and it puts a smile on my face.

I love cats. They make me smile like a fool.

I meant happiness is a really simple thing, but people tends to overcomplicate it. Do you understand? I think not. Let me give you another example.
During OCS CLM, I was navigating in rambutan hill alone at night. I finally found my checkpoint and was ready to head back, but the instructor ask me to find another one.
Feeling quite sian and disappointed, I reluctantly found the next one, and sitting at the next checkpoint was a instructor that looked like Kobe Bryant. No joke.
And that made me happy and I requested for a next checkpoint because I'm that crazily happy.
Okay, that story didn't really bring forward my point, but I just really want to tell you that I have a instructor that looked like Kobe Bryant.
Random and extra information, but I used yellow and purple colour for the previous sections to symbolise LA Lakers. ='0

True story. Both my story and the quote.

To make up for that poor example.. let me give you another example.
During my attachment which is now, I am happy.. Hmm.. Actually I have no stories about my attachment yet, it haven't even been for a week.
But let me say this, I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We're always thinking that someday we'll be happy. You know, we'll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and not a condition, it's not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry; it's no permanent, it comes and goes, and that's okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they'd find happiness a lot more often.

Alright! I know this post is not here not there, not three not four.
But it's okay, you're happy and I'm happy and if we're not, it's okay too.
Because happiness will revisit maybe later on when you think of something happy before you sleep.
Maybe tomorrow when you see a cat attempting to climb a tree and you got reminded of what I said.
Another reason why I have to end this here is so that the new year post stays on the January archive.
It's 31st January 11.17pm, and maybe let me make a belated new year resolution with just 1 simple thing to ask for.
Forget it.. Who am I kidding, I've stop believing in this kinda of things.
Anyway for those smart alecks who think you know what resolution I have set, I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
By by! 9 9! Xia! =')

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Blogger the Tumblr of the day, Hell Yea!
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When you really matters to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises. When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you, and it doesn't mean that they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.

We did it, we torn it, we walked away from each other.

Santa was here @ 7:07 AM